life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
