well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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