he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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