The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
