Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize