Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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