Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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