sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
