ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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