whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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