I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
