I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
