I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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