My brain says no but my pants say off.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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