butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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