Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
