my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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