kristin has been a bad kristin
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
