apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
