Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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