i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize