i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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