Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
