I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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