Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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