Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
