2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
