So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
