Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
