last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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