and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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