And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
