I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
