your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
