...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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