Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
