Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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