he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
