You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
