I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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