VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
