I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
