The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize