I hate your face
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
