We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
