I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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