this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How does it feel to date your dad?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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