Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
