You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The uberlube is also flammable
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
