We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
