At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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