just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
