Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
