if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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