nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Panties = found
Randomize
