I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
