if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize