I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
