My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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