why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
