I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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