Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
