When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
