Ambien. No doubt about it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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