You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
